there was a trapeze. enough said
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
