I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize