Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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