guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
