I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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