My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
