my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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