Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
