So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
