Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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