Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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