I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
