just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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