Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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