i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
