why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
