somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
