im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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