I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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