apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
