Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize