Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
