Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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