i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
