My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
