I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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