i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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