Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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