Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
