I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
