eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
