and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
