im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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