i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
