Small penises have feelings too.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
