Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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