Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
