Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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