3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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