Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
