i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
