think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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