Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
