fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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