I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
