My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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