Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
