He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
