Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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