I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
