just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
