my vag is so smooth its legendary
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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