i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
