when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
