that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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