I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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