I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
