I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
