Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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