I think I won the penis lottery.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
